Well, this is it! You’ve just introduced yourself to someone new. You remember to open your body languange and keep your body, voice tone, and words all saying the same thing. You were first with the eye contact and first with the smile. You introduced yourself, and miracle of miracles- three seconds have gone by and you can still remem- ber the other person’s name. You’ve begun synchroniz- ing, and you feel confident that rapport is building. But now what?

It’s conversation time! Conversation is one very significant way to build rapport and forge the bonds of friend­ship. It comes in two equally important parts: talking and listening. Or, as you’ll soon see, asking questions and actively listening.

You may have found yourself in a situation where you wanted to talk to someone but suddenly felt tongue­tied and self-conscious about doing so. Or maybe you’ve felt your stomach sink as you take your seat on an air­plane next to some interesting-looking person and can’t think of a way to start talking without feeling self-conscious. What will they think of me? Am I boring? Am I intruding? And most important: How shall I start?

The idea is to get the other person talking, then find out what matters to him or her and synchronize your­self accordingly. This is the realm of small talk, the hunt­ing ground for rapport. It is here that you will search for common interests and other stepping-stones to rapport. While big talk is serious stuff like nuclear disarmament and politics, small talk is everything else: your personal Web site, renovating the bathroom, a speeding ticket or the color of cousin Marisa’s new sports car.